Get your hand off it

I’ve got an admirable libido. If anything, it’s stronger now than when I was a teenager, or at university, and that’s saying something.

I like to fuck, or be fucked, every single day – more than once if I can negotiate it.

If I can’t, then I’ll take matters into my own hands (so to speak). I’m sure that my wife finds this constant state of arousal more than a little irritating at times… if not a chore on some days.

This started to get me a bit worried… am I controlling my sexdrive, or was it controlling me?

Desperate times call for desperate measures…

I’ve never really had any interest in chastity kink before… I feel that I experienced enough celibacy through my teens. But, in the interest of science, I wondered if it might be a new experience that I should give a go.

So I bought a ‘Birdcage’

The Birdcage is a stainless steel chastity cage that locks everything away so it can’t be touched. No fondling, no masturbation, no caressing,

no fucking anything.

The fact that it’s stainless steel was important to me. Considering that chastity cages are designed for moderate to long term wear, I needed to make sure that it’s easy to keep clean. Hygiene is paramount… no one wants a funky cock.

How I settled on the Birdcage

Research.

Lots of research.

Seriously, my search history looks like that of a dominatrix with an impulse control problem.

But it did lead me to a shortlist of important factors to take into consideration when venturing into this new world or forced celibacy.

Material

Cages (I wasn’t interested in going full Game-of-Thrones-era belt) come in a variety of materials. Leather, plastic (polycarbonate or resin), steel, thermoplastic rubber (TPU), and silicone are just a few. Sorting through this, I learnt:

• Leather is porous, making it hard to keep hygienic. It soaks up sweat and body fluids, and can’t be worn in the shower for cleaning.
  • This alone was a reason I chose not to go with leather – if I have to remove it twice a day to shower, then what’s the point of having a chastity cage in the first place?
• Thermoplastic rubber is also porous. It’s easier to keep clean, as you can wear when you bathe, but it’s super stretchy and there’s nothing really stopping you from slipping it off if you want to have some ‘me’ time.
  • Again, not what I was looking for – though I have since picked up an “Oxballs Atomic Jock’ , just for some low-key fun. A review will be forthcoming 🙂
• Silicone is probably one of the better options… but it can be expensive, and again there are many designs which appear to be pretty easy to escape.
  • Being that this was my first time in ‘lockdown’, I didn’t want to stuff around. Go hard, or go home!
• Polycarbonate / resin also looked the goods. Solid construction, easy to wear and clean, and comes in a variety of shapes and sizes.
  • I ordered the ‘Good things (don’t) cum in small packages resin cage’… but it hasn’t yet arrived at time of writing.
  • One concern I have with this device is sizing… I’m no porn star in the pants, but I am slightly concerned if I’ll even fit into this.
  • My interest is mostly because it comes with a Prince Albert base plate for added security. As the owner of a Prince Albert piercing, this looked like an excellent addition to investigate!

• Steel – easy to clean, hard to escape, and available at an acceptable price point for someone new to chastity play. This is where I landed.

Price

Like pretty much any adult toy, you can find an option to suit your budget. Bear in mind that, again like pretty much any adult toy, you get what you pay for.

I wasn’t sure if this was something that I would do for 15 minutes, get annoyed with, and never touch again. As a result, I was loathe to drop hundreds of dollars on my first experience… that’s money better spent on experiences I know I enjoy.

I also wasn’t prepared to go so budget that the item I received would be uncomfortable or unsafe. Material safety is a major consideration when looking at adult toys, and something I take very seriously – keep an eye out for a post soon on this topic.

Steel was a good option, but be wary of super cheap versions of these devices… sometimes cheaper steel may not be completely smooth, and the micro texture of the finish can cause irritation.

Design

I like the look of the Birdcage. I think its pretty stylish, and its downward swoop makes it less prominent in your pants as you go about your day.

Its open sides allow for air ventilation, something that other designs (both steel and alternate materials) sometimes don’t offer. Again, you don’t want a bad case of swamp crotch… and being that you will need to pee with this thing on you want to make sure you don’t end smelling like a nightclub bathroom.

I like the look of having a padlock on the device, it makes it seem more ‘substantial’. One tip though, being that both the Birdcage and the lock are metal, there is a tendency to ‘clink’ as you walk around – moving the lock so it sits on its side, and wearing fitted underwear, will stop you from sounding like you’re from the Wizard of Oz while picking up your groceries.

Sizing

The base ring of the Birdcage comes in a few different sizes allowing for ease of fitting – with 40mm, 45mm, and 50mm options.

This is super important. Just as in my jnada post, you need to make sure that you are selecting the correct size here. Too small and it will cut off circulation, or pinch you in ways that you don’t want (nothing worse than looking like you have a venereal disease because you can’t sit still in your business meeting!) If at any time your downstairs starts to feel cold or turn blue, you’ve fucked up the sizing and need to take it off asap.

Too big, and it will just fall off – making this a wasted exercise.

The ‘sweet spot’ is if you can fit the first segment of your index finger between the base ring and your balls – you’re golden.

Also, I found that applying a couple of drops of pjur original around the base of my member went a long way to stopping any rubbing or chafe. Pjur, as I’ve written previously, is a great skin conditioner too… so it helped make this a comfortable experiment.

Don’t forget to take into account the length of your cock and the cage you’re trying to stuff it into. Measure when you’re totally flaccid. The cage should be large enough that just the tip of your dick touches the inside of the end – if it’s too small, then you will experience significant discomfort every time you get hard. Considering that we have about 5 erections a night while we sleep, if you’re in pain every time you bar up you’re not going to be sleeping much. If the cage is too large, then you run the risk of slipping out of it… and when you pee you’ll look like a busted sprinkler.

Further, the Birdcage is open on the sides. If your cock is smaller than those openings, then it might slip though or get caught. Fuck that for a joke.

Installation

The Birdcage comes in two pieces (plus the lock) – a base ring with a bar on the top, and the cage itself.

With the Birdcage, installation is the same whether you are circumcised or not, though I wonder if the same will be said when I finally get the Small Things cage I ordered?

Anyway, as I mentioned previously, I like to use a little pjur to make things more comfortable. Now is an excellent time to put a couple of drops of lube on your skin… it’ll make the application easier, and everything will be in place so you don’t have to apply at the end. Make sure you only use a couple of drops… if things are too slippery in your downstairs mixup, juggling metal cages and padlocks will be super annoying.

You put the base ring on exactly as you would a cockring – first pushing your balls through, and following up with your shaft. Once this is done and comfortably seated in place, you then guide your cock into the cage before sliding the cage onto the bar.

There are two ‘pins’ on the cage that fit into holes on the front of the base ring – this stops any twisting or unwanted movement, and you need to take care not to catch any skin as you slide them home (trust me, you don’t want to pinch yourself here).

Last, you slide the padlock through the bar… and that’s it. Welcome to being caged.

So, what’s it like?

Short story… I’m a fan. I like being locked away without any idea when I’m going to be released.

I especially liked it once I figured out how to stop it from clinking as I walked. The first day I wore it was a work day, and I spent the day wondering if anyone could hear me as we walked to and from staff meetings. Being that I didn’t have the key, there wasn’t anything I could do anyway… so I just had to ‘shuffle’ a bit more and hope it wasn’t noticeable!

Underwear

I love underwear… buying different types and styles may just be a fetish of mine (I’d hate to see what anyone was thinking if they reviewed my paypal transaction history). That said, I’m also a big one for free-balling… which is not really an option in the Birdcage.

Bathroom breaks

Peeing is something you have to navigate. Being that I already have a cock-piercing, I usually use a stall at public toilets (nothing like someone trying to start a conversation at a urinal when they notice the metal ring in the end of your dick).

With the cage on, sitting to pee is pretty much de rigueur. Whilst I might fit the cage snugly, there’s still a bunch of metal in the way of the stream and it’s easier to sit and pee than try to direct it all. Good luck explaining to the bloke next to you at the wall if you splash his shoes because your dick looks like a car straight out of a Mad Max movie. In any case, it also allows you to wipe the cage clean after you’re finished, helping to keep you fresh and comfortable.

Mind games

Wearing the cage is an interesting mental experience. It makes you constantly aware of its existence… from the slight pressure on your groin, to the way it shifts as you sit and move around, to the simple knowing that it’s there.

I also didn’t realise just how often I got hard throughout the average day – not full blown diamond cutter hard, but a noticeable tumescence – and the feeling of my dick being both trapped and restrained during these moments was a bit of a turn on. Which, for the first day or so created something of an endless loop of being hard, then being turned on because I was hard and couldn’t do anything, resulting in me getting hard again.

Over and over and over.

So where’s the key?

On my wife’s car keys. She wasn’t even aware of the Birdcage at all until we got a little amorous one night, and she asked me what the hell I was wearing. I told her she needed to go downstairs and get her keys if she wanted to let him out… resulting in much amusement.

At least, I’m pretty sure she was laughing at the situation, and not my swollen member impersonating an extra from the Shawshank Redemption.

Because it was behind bars, you see.

Anyway… I’d been wearing the device for almost a week at this stage, and I think she was happy that I hadn’t been harassing her as consistently as I normally do.

Having it on her keys means I’m not able to just take the thing off if I get horny. There is a spare key in the house, but that’s just for emergencies. I have heard of some chastity boffins placing the spare key in an ice-cube.

They posit that the extra time required to thaw the ice and retrieve the key is an added deterrent. Me, I’d be worried I’d forget about it and serve it in a mixed drink to an in-law at a dinner party… a conversation I’m not really up for.

To Sum Up…

I’m going to keep doing it… not all the time – this isn’t a mainstay of my kink and not something I feel like I want to roll into my everyday existence – but I can see times where locking him away for a bit might be enjoyable.

If nothing else, that week a month where my wife has no interest in my cock will now provide an opportunity to lock him away. Let my kink flag fly unhindered, without bothering anyone else.

The bonus of it making the eventual orgasm sen-fucking-sational when you get release(d) isn’t to be sneezed at either.